Microsoft Windows XP agus SUSE Linux 10.1

So Windows went down again.

Again!!

There is absolutely no reason for this. And now I'm hopping mad. Despite having the reinstall disks for my Toshiba Satellite 1405 s151 (which will wipe my entire hard drive and return the by now very dubious Windows XP Home operating system to my computer), I decide I've had enough. Using my venerable old Windows ME machine I download the disks for Suse Linux and install that on my laptop.

And it works.

But I'm going to say it again:

• Linux supporters are spotty moronic little geeks who like to use jargon so as to hide their own ignorance and confuse people.
• Linux is not as good as Microsoft.
• Most people who use Linux keep a Microsoft machine in the basement for their serious work.

On the other hand

• Linux is free.
• It works.
• It's kind of fun, if you like challenges.

If, on the other hand, you want a system that works without difficulty, just go with Windows or Apple. You won't get satisfaction with Linux. And Microsoft is more unstable.

Here's an example of my problem (and Lord knows, I'm no slouch with computers - I was using Unix while most Linux geeks were soiling themselves at daycare).

I upload movies and pictures from my digital camera. The pictures come up, but the movies fail (Totem, a Linux movie player, makes a groaning sound like I kicked its mother).
I do a day-long web search for solutions.
Apparently Totem is not really Totem. It's actually "Xine", a Linux movie player, with a "frontend" (this is spotty-Linux-geek jargon for GUI, which stands for Graphical User Interface, which is more Linux jargon for "user friendly."
So I go looking for more information about "Xine".
Xine is not really Xine, however. It's a frontend for a backend. You follow? The backend is either Gstreamer or something else whose name I've forgotten. But we're not out of the woods
Backend, by the way, is Linux jargon for "the program."

I haven't lost you yet, have I?

Now, in Suse, the only way of updating programs is by using "Yast", a "Front End" (why don't we give these Linux types a kick up the back end) for a "Back End" installation program. So I do so, figuring that Totem will get the necessary updates and play the modest .mov files from my camera.

Ah no. That'd be too easy. Apparently there's a "dependency conflict" (there's one going on in Iraq too, I believe), and nothing will install.

Foolishly, I ask for advice. Silly people with silly Screen Names on silly Linux forums throw jargon at me, advising me to type massive lines of opaque code into a console. Nothing happens, of course. The silly people then advise me to reinstall Linux. Ha ha. Isn't that what Microsoft users are supposed to do?

So Yast doesn't work. Which means I can't update my programs. Which means I'm stuck.

[Derisively circles index finger in air] Hooray for Linux.